Hey It's Erin

So not a lot has happened since I last wrote. When did I last write? I think in February. well anyway I still have no job. I had an interview on Monday or Tuesday, and It was at a landscaping place. Walked in asked for the lady had an interview right there! I was nervous but excited. I've been wanting a place to just work. I need money and to get out of the house. Socialize! that's what I do! I am a people person! So I come out really happy. Thinking to myself wow I may have a job again! I was pumped up. One days passes. nothing.. two days pass nothing.. and she told me If I hadn't heard anything in two days call her. So I call her. no one answers. Typical. So I email her telling her I called. Called an hour later. She couldn't be reached... By this time I'm getting frustrated.. So today I call and guess what?? She took the day off! I was about to go punch a goat. I've been looking for 5 months now.. What am I doing that's not working? Either God's trying to get my attention or something. because this whole looking for a job everyday for hours is getting real old. So what I do in my spare time is look at the ceiling and wait for a bright light to shine down and have God just tell me what I'm supposed to do! Lol I wish! No I've been painting pictures. Not walls.. I have always had the passion for art. That was my favorite subject in school! Couldn't wait for art class to begin! So one day I was just sitting in my bed thinking, what in the world can I do with myself during the day, that's not so boring.. I always had painting in the back of my mind. But never thought I could do it. I was too afraid to mess up and watch myself fail at something I've always wanted to do. I had $30.00 in my bank account. I went to the craft store and looked around for paint, brushes, and paper. I was in heaven! all this stuff. I wanted everything in the painting section. Nut of course i was limited. So I got an acrylic paint set, 2 brushes and a pad of big paper. I wanted to run to the check out, because if I didn't I would change my mind about spending the last of my money. So I walk to the checkout feeling every bit of guilt you can imagine. I need to pay my phone bill, I need this, I need that.. I just shoved those things aside and paid. I had a dollar left. I get home and get my new paint stuff out. I didn't know where to start. This blank page was staring at me and making me feel already like a failure and I hadn't even started yet. I was literary paralyzed. This voice in my head was you can't do this. You just wasted all of your money, now what are you gonna do.. So what I did was grabbed a piece of paper and drew whatever came to mind whether it was scribbles, I just needed to get whatever was in my head out on paper and to see it was ok to make mistakes. That got me over the intimidation of a blank canvas. So when I started painting it wasn't going like I wanted. I was looking at it and thinking man I can't do this. Why did I ever think I could paint?? So When I "finished" I felt defeated. I knew I couldn't paint.. I felt sad. I didn't paint for maybe a week. But it was still in the back of my mind to try again. So I did. The more I painted the better I got. It was so weird. Looking back to my first one was horrible. and to see where I've become shocks me! I still can't believe I did that. I'm glad I allowed myself to be open to new things and to just try it. Why not? what's there to loose? :)