Growing pains. I have the stretch marks to prove it!

              


            Life can be very difficult, confusing, and painful. I'm sure ALL of you who read this, can understand and have gone through a trying time yourself. Well let me take you back to a moment where my life got turned upside down.

This is my story. It was July 4th 2014. Worst day of my life. I was "let go" from my "dream" job. (garden center/nursery) The devastation I felt was real. Like shock waves running through my body. First denial. "This can't be happening." Second sadness, it was sinking in. Heartbroken like my heart shattered in a million pieces. Sitting in the office on the chair sobbing, thinking of what I was going to miss. I could feel their eyes on me. I looked up after staring at the floor in disbelief, looked them in the eye, I could see there pain too. It wasn't just me. Next anger hit, and it hit hard. I was pissed. "How could you?" I worked so hard for them. Knowing everything about the company. That was my life. Gone.

 I started working there when I was 21 years old. Realized what I loved and found my passion. worked with some amazing people who I loved with all my heart. Gone in a flash. I had no idea what to think, to feel, to believe. I was devastated. I believe everything happens for a reason. God needed to change me. So he took me out where I was comfortable and put me in situations where I needed to rely on him.

When I was working there, I wasn't truly happy like I used to be. Feeling frustrated daily, I had an attitude because I was frustrated. Had absolutely no patience what so ever.  Those feelings I felt, I acted on them, not listening to truth but listening to lies in my head. I didn't know there was another way. I felt that they needed me and I could act any way I wanted to because they needed me. Wrong.( highly recommend to stay humble) I was too cocky and full of myself and talking bad about the people I love. I was feeding into the negativity, and the deep vine of gossip. It was almost an addiction. I couldn't stop. After a couple months I was still so angry at my managers and boss for letting me go. Going in to the store and still talking to people who worked there was the only way I could "feel better" about myself but it always lead to gossip. I couldn't stay away from there cause it was home for me.  I still struggle with some anger. But God had to get my attention. (Oh he got it). I was stagnate. The pot needed to be stirred. I look back to who I was then, and I understand now why they did, what they did.

 Few things I have learned. The tongue is evil. Pure and absolutely evil. It's rather disgusting. I have learned to not talk bad about ANYONE. I have no right to talk about someone badly to another human. Instead pray for them, or if having a problem with a person, DON'T TALK ABOUT THEM, GO DIRECTLY TO THEM AND SORT IT OUT. Please it could save someone or a business. Another thing I have learned is that don't make a decision based off your feelings!!! Your feelings are valid, but it doesn't mean you should act out on them and blame someone else for YOUR actions. I literally had done that my whole life. If i didn't "feel" like going to church I didn't, If I didn't "feel like working that day" I would call in. Feelings can mess with your head. I know this very well. My head feels clogged with fog quite regularly. Go take a minute and breath. (note to self)
Integrity. Always heard this word but never understood what it meant. Working for a few places in these past 5 months, I have seen some things done that isn't right. Such as planting annuals that are covered in aphids (green little bugs) in a container and leaving it.. That is NOT ok with me. Theres something deep down in my soul, that knows that's wrong and can't tolerate that behavior. Or transplanting a house plant and to not water it in??? I'm sorry, but I just can't accept that. I wont listen to you. Do the right thing!
Also knowing how to be a leader and what it means. I was always told by my dad I was a leader. Not knowing what he meant by that, other than it meaning "being in charge." Being a leader is someone who works with you, as a team. Doesn't take credit for everything, but instead says we did it! Helps people feel wanted, accepted, and good about their work. They are encouraging and want people to be the best they can. There's no I in team!


Growing isn't easy, but in a way, its kind of exciting. Call me crazy. But I'm excited that I'm growing in new ways I never would have thought. God has been working in me. He's creating me into this amazing woman with a "heart of gold" life, passion,drive and learning to understand this life and what it's about. Relationships, how to fight for them and to not give up, fighting for what you crave, learning more about God and to trust in him always. Pray for your enemies, pray for your loved ones. To know that God is with you in good days and bad.Thank him for the little things! Praise him always!